Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
