you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
