What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
