This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
