Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
