With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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