So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
