i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
