I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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