After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
