I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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