Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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