so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
