Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
