I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
