the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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