You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
