after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
