you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
