i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
