I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
