The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
