if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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