I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
