I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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