Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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