sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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