My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
