I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
