Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
