If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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