i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
