me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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