Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
