the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
