I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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