? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
