If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
