Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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