woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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