Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
