I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
