she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
