i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
