she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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