I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
