Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
