The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
