go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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