I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
