Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
