Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
